Let's give this a whirl: or My VMA thoughts

So it looks like i've decided to start a blog. Not sure why since it will be close to completely unread by anyone that isn't me, but I'm quite bored so why not? I'm not a literary genius and I have terrible grammar, so this will just be ramblings and thoughts from my not so sane mind.

At the moment i'm watching the VMAs and it's not because I enjoy the music or the celebrities, but because I love Russell Brand. I barely recognize anyone else. I just know that there's plenty of old dudes reporting but no old bitches. I'm in a bit of a snarky mood so I believe I shall comment on these awards. Here we go...

* Love Russell Brand! I think he's so fucking funny. Unfortunately I don't think the MTV crowd really gets him. His opening had me laughing my ass off.

* Jonas Brothers - Loved what Russell said about them. I wasn't super impressed by their performance. They're weren't terrible.

* This rapper guy, whoever he is, needs to pull his pants up. That baggy look is so 90's. Lil' Wayne? Is that his name? There's to many Lil's in rap. It's confusing. Oh look, he's been joined by a gentleman in a leather tophat. Cute.

*Lindsay Lohan, you're a fucking actress! Why can't you read the cue cards or the teleprompter or whatever they have these days?

* Why aren't the Pussycat Dolls allowed on the stage? Because that bitch just said "dope", that's why. Didn't the main one quit and try a solo career only to fail and go back to the group? And the one with the super ugly hair was in some magician show with C. Thomas Howell. Wow, I know way to much about this....band? Group? Disease?

* I don't know why I've never seen Twilight. I love vampires and the sexy Cedric Diggory, who just got interrupted by Russell Brand.

* They're totally into shots of crazed fans running up the bands tonight. They did it with the Jonas Brothers earlier and now they're doing it with Paramour. Maybe it's a hidden theme I must decode.

* Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo! The stupid Paris Hilton show starts on my birthday. I don't even know if I can stand to celebrate on such an unholy day. If I hear anyone say 'sorry, I can't celebrate the day of your birth because I have to watch this Paris Hilton thing' I am going to have to set that persons home on fire. It's only fair.

* More jokes about the Jonas Brothers being virgins from the wonderful Russell Brand.

* "Transformers was awesome." Good job stereotypical nerdy Asian.

* I love that Pink is just breaking shit. I may not love this song, but she is so fun.

* Why do they need VMA alerts during the commercials? We're getting way to ADD in this country. It's like they're saying 'Hey, you're watching the VMA's, don't forget! We're gonna show you more stuff in 2 minutes. Come on, keep watching, idiots!'

* Dear Ashley Simpson, you're pregnant not fat. Quit it with the hideous bag dress.

* Slipknot is at the VMAs? How extremely un-metal of them. And they're doing a little skit. How cute. They're as hardcore as Hanson. Yeah, that's right. I went old school.

* I thought Lil Waynes necklace was just gonna hit someone right in the face. That would have been the greatest moment in the history of awards shows.

* Ooooh little American Idol winner has claws! Take a joke bitch. Haha, she was pissed. You have to see the comedy of teenage boys that could have as much sex as they want completely swearing off sex until marriage. It's funny. Most teenage boys would do anything to get some and here are these boys that probably have girls throwing themselves at them and they're like 'Uh, no thanks. Pass.'

* Christina Aguilara is looking gooood after having that baby. Not sure what the Cat Woman outfit is all about, but whatevs.

* Oh Russell why did you have to apologize? It was a funny apology, but still. Who cares if the Jonas Brothers were crying backstage or that chick from American Idol got cranky.

* Tokio Hotel. Never heard of them. And the dark haired one really really looks like a chick. And a really hot chick at that.

* I could really use a beer. The exchange between LL Cool J and Russell Brand was classic. As was Russells comment of 'I tried on lingerie backstage, although I probably shouldn't have, I've already been called a slut'.

* Remember when Kid Rock got into a fight at some sort of Pancake establishment?

* I wonder if Britney is winning these things as a 'Hooray, you're not outwardly bat-shit crazy anymore! Good job' kind of thing. Although I can't rightfully judge because I've never seen any of those videos.

* "I've organized a very strategic kidnap." Hilarious.

And because I could care less about Kanye West this is where I shall change the channel. Or I may stick around to see if there is anymore hilarity from Russell Brand. Either way I'm going to stop typing.

Tah!